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John | 15th Sep 2011, 04:41 AM | HKALE(UE):Sections B, C & E, HKDSE英文科Paper 3 | (4532 Reads)
用兩個例子談談long writing tasksrewriting skills(閑話一句:文末有一張很珍貴的舊照片)

先談原則。

To score high in a long writing task, you need to:

1.          think about the audience you are writing for (例如給你的Data File有篇向消費者說話的電腦廣告,但題目要求運用廣告的資料寫一篇向學生介紹online learning的文章,then, you are required to write for students and not consumers.;

2.          select relevant informationfrom irrelevant information;

3.          summarize/condense facts, ideas and arguments(精簡概念);

4.          rephrase/condense sentences(精簡詞句).

5.          emotionNever add your own idea in completing these writing tasks! 

 Example 1

以下這段 text 的是 structural rewrites。如果一條題目要求你Write an introductory sentence on structural rewrites based on the following paragraph,點做?

Structural rewrites are the kind that change the genre of your story this would be so much better with a vampire, the order of events wouldn’t it make more sense if the quokkas were stolen in the first chapter?, the relationships of the characters if they were brother and sister it would be way more intense, the setting have you actually been to Sydney?—I’m not buying the ease with which your character walked from Surry Hills to Dural, what point of view it’s in you know Hans is kind of boring but Greta rocks—why don’t you have her tell the story?, whether it’s told in past or present tense if the narrator is telling the tale from beyond the grave putting it in present tense makes no sense, and so forth.

這段不難,因為括號內的具體例子(例如在故事加隻吸血鬼(vampire)好不好,在故事加隻矮袋鼠(quokkas)好不好)明顯可以刪掉。實戰時,應該用筆underlinecircle以下pink色的字,提自己記得寫進文章。(Select relevant information!

Structural rewrites are the kind that change the genre of your story this would be so much better with a vampire, the order of events wouldn’t it make more sense if the quokkas were stolen in the first chapter?, the relationships of the characters if they were brother and sister it would be way more intense, the setting have you actually been to Sydney?—I’m not buying the ease with which your character walked from Surry Hills to Dural, what point of view it’s in you know Hans is kind of boring but Greta rocks—why don’t you have her tell the story?, whether it’s told in past or present tense if the narrator is telling the tale from beyond the grave putting it in present tense makes no sense, and so forth.

可以這樣寫:

Structural rewrites are about1 changing the genre, order of events, relationships of characters, setting, and narrator’s point of view3 in, and using4 appropriate tenses5 for, a story.6

Structural rewrites are about1 changing the genre, order of events, relationships of characters, setting, and narrator’s point of view3 in a story and using4 appropriate tenses5 for it.6

1 ABC are about + ing 的結構,有點像ABC are something,但不完全相同,當覺得用ABC are something不適合時,可考慮用ABC are about something/ABC are about doing something。要解釋一件事的時候可以使用這結構,你可以記一記。(Rephrase sentences!

2 text有很多個the,改寫後用一個the借用下去,其實是 the genre, the order of events …。(Rephrase sentences!

3 narrator’s point of view,不寫narrator亦可,不會扣content分。其實,narrator這個詞乃從text裡抄出,寫narrator’s point of view或許對language 分有幫助。(Rephrase sentences!

4 changingusing都上接are about。(Rephrase sentences!

5 whether it’s told in past or present tense 轉為 using appropriate tenses。這裡的whether it’s told in past or present tense不能照抄,因為有個it’s,它代表甚麽?代表your story,但因我寫的前文沒有提及your story,這裡就不可以寫It。另外,appropriate這個字要自己想出來。(Rephrase sentences!

6 在第5,我說我沒有寫your story。有沒有發覺原文假設的audienceyou?但題目沒有要求假想youaudience,只要求寫一句句子介紹何謂structural rewrites,所以句中也沒有you的影子。(Think about your audience!

 Examples 2

以下這段text的是一些write better 的方法。如果一條題目要求你Write a short paragraph on how students can improve their writing skills using the information below,點做?

That’s why it’s so important to have as many different people as possible read your work and tell you the ways in which it ain’t working. Ask your teacher what they mean exactly when they say your essay/poem/story is broken. Make them point out the crappy bits and tell you why they think they are crappy. Perhaps a writers’ group or workshop will work for you. There are plenty online that you can join if you live somewhere without many writers. But don’t worry if a writer’s group isn’t your kind of thing; there are lots of writers for whom they are anathema.

上一段的重點如下:

That’s why it’s so important to have as many different people as possible read your work and tell you the ways in which it ain’t working1. Ask your teacher what they mean exactly when they say your essay/poem/story is broken2. Make them point out the crappy bits1 and tell you why they think they are crappy.2 Perhaps a writers’ group or workshop will work for you. There are plenty online that you can join if you live somewhere without many writers. But don’t worry if a writer’s group isn’t your kind of thing; there are lots of writers for whom they are anathema.

可以這樣寫:

Students should ask their teachers and as many different people as possible to point out / comment on and explain what are bad about their work3, and may join writers’ group or workshop physically or online 4+5. 

1 tell you the way in which it ain’t working the crappy bits意思差不多。(Select relevant information!

2 what they mean exactly when they say your essay/poem/story is brokenwhy they think they are crappy意思差不多。(Select relevant information!

3 上述12 四個expressions改寫為to point out / comment on and explain what are bad about their workpoint out / comment on what are bad about their work概括了1,而explain what are bad about their work概括了2。(Rephrase sentences!

4 Text第四行由Perhaps開始,作者說,You可以加入writer’s group or workshop,如果家居附近沒有,可以參加online 的,所以改寫physically or online表示。另外,there are lots of writers for whom they are anathemaanathema指「很討厭」)這句是無關的,因為題目問How students can improve their writing skills而不是問writers’ group的態度。Select relevant information!)。

5 Text假設的audienceyou,但題目沒有要求假想youaudience,只要求寫一段介紹how students can improve their writing skills,所以改寫後沒有you的影子。(Think about your audience! 

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一幀舊照片,相中人叫低能兒,那八婆是他的奶媽Picture

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