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John | 23rd Jun 2011, 05:10 AM | HKDSE英文科練習 | (1200 Reads)
You are a summer student of a law firm.  You have received the following email from Raymond, one of the partners.   

Dear Anna, 

Please handle a query that our client has raised.  On a draft letter to the Saint Mary Hospital, which was a first draft done by another summer student but was mistakenly sent out to the client without checking, you will see the comment: "Does the English need to be polished up?" etc.  Please see the original draft. 

I have taken a look at the letter.  Unfortunately, it contains errors in grammar and in facts. 

The brief facts of the incident to which the draft letter refers can be found in Case File A1126 Document 3.  

Could you please make a revised draft that reflects the CORRECT facts of the incident in CORRECT English? 

I would be happy to talk through this in person if that would be easier. 

Raymond 

Case File A1126 Document 3.

Brief facts of cases:

1.      Client: Donald Tsang, executor of the will

2.      Deceased: John Tsang

3.      Date of death: 1 June 2011

4.      Place of death: Saint Mary Hospital

5.      Date of admission: 1 May 2011

6.      Age of death: 64

7.      Evidence: medical records, notes of the surgeon and anaesthetist

8.      Evidence from: Saint Mary Hospital;

9.      Cause of death (according to medical consultant): (i) cardiac failure as a result of excessive insertion of the tube through the trachea to the right bronchus; (ii) excessive dose of anaesthetic

10.  Claims (for the dependent relatives): (i) damages; (ii) loss of expectation of life

11.  Request: a settlement offer within 14 days, or service of a writ without further notice 

1st draft

Draft Letter to Saint Mary Hospital 

Date:  

Saint Mary Hospital, 

We act for Mr. John Tsang, the executor of the will of the late Donald Tsang, who dies on 15 June 2011 at your hospital. 

The deceased was admitted to your hospital on 12 June 2011 to had surgery to remove tumor of about 10mm in size on his left hand, and he passed while under anaesthetic.  At the time of death, our client was about 46 years. 

Upon careful study of the exercise records, X-rays copies, and the notes of the physical therapist, which were provided by Saint John Hospital, our client’s medical consultant takes a strong view that during tracheal intubation, the tube was negligently overly inserted too far down the lung that it entered the left primary bronchi.  As a consequence thereof, it caused the respiration failure resulting from the death.  Our client’s medical consultant also opines that amount of the anaesthetic was insufficient and lethal, as compared with the standards for such treatment and accordingly, you are liable in negligence.   

We were now instructed to claim damage on behalf of the government, together with another claim for pecuniary loss, since the above named died at a relatively young age. 

In order to avoid unpleasant legal proceeding, we shall be pleased if you will consider to make an apology of our client claim for damages and loss of expectation of life, within the next fifteen days from the date hereof; otherwise a warning will be given in writing will be prepared and served on you after further notice. 

Yours faithfully, 

Please review.  Does the English tie with the actual facts of the case?  Does the English need to be polished up?

Answer key:

Red = corrections of facts

Blue = corrections of grammar

Draft Letter to Saint Mary Hospital 

Date:  

Saint Mary Hospital(or Dear Sirs), 

We act for Mr. Donald Tsang, the executor of the will of the late John Tsang, who died on 1 June 2011 at your hospital. 

The deceased was admitted to your hospital on 1 May 2011 to have surgery to remove a tumor of about 10mm in size on his left hand, and he passed while under anaesthetic.  At the time of death, our client was about 64 years. 

Upon a careful study of the medical records, X-rays copies, and the notes of the surgeon and anaesthetist, which were provided by you, our client’s medical consultant takes a strong view that during tracheal intubation, the tube was negligently inserted too far down the trachea that it entered the right bronchus.  As a consequence thereof, it caused the cardiac failure resulting in the death.  Our client’s medical consultant also opines that the administration of the anaesthetic was excessive as compared with the standards for such treatment and accordingly, you are liable in negligence. 

We are now instructed to claim damages  (damages,有S的,指「損害賠償」,法律文件常用語,而damage (S),指「損害」) on behalf of the dependent relatives, together with another claim for loss of expectation of life, since the above named died at a relatively young age. 

In order to avoid unpleasant legal proceedings, we shall be pleased if you will consider to put forward a reasonable offer for the settlement of our client’s claim for damages and loss of expectation of life, within the next 14 days from the date hereof; otherwise a writ will be prepared and served on you without further notice. 

Yours faithfully,    

 

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